Who Wants To Kill An Archangel?
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Tumblr Prompt AU, "'That looked easier on TV' - Gabriel" You should never let a Trickster get bored, it leads to them thinking all kids of crazy (potentially lethal) thoughts, that tend to escalate to two very human and breakable hunters running for their lives. Three guesses what happens when his channel-surfing lands on WIPE-OUT...


**Disclaimer: I do not own SUPERNATURAL, or any associated characters.**

Prompt, "That looked easier on Tv -Gabriel"

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**~*Who Wants To Kill An Archangel?*~**

**~)0(~**

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"That… definitely… looked easier… on television…" the Archangel panted, having finally made his way through the, uh, 'spiced-up' version of Wipe!Out.

Except this version involved a lot more hexes, explosives, holy fire and hell-hounds… Gabriel had never actively INTENDED to get involved in the course itself, in fact he was content to sit beside the track and munch popcorn. But nothing ever went according to plan when it came to the Winchesters…

"I'm really starting to hate you two…" he gasped out, flat on his back on the finish line. "So… freaking… much!"

"Yeah, well it's mutual you self-righteous sonovabitch…" Dean spat, pushing upright with a bleeding temple and obviously dislocated shoulder; having taken a giant mallet to the shoulder when shoving the low-powered Castiel out of the way.

Sam seemed content to lean against the nearby wall and glare down in contempt at Gabriel, of course that could be because one of his legs was at the very east fractured, as were several ribs, and the wall was the only thing keeping him upright.

Castiel was sitting beside the downed archangel, patting his hand kindly but not really doing anything to help.

"Oh alright, you win, I'll admit this wasn't my BEST idea… but it was a bit of fun, right?" he smiled, eerily similar to the cartoon version of Hades in that Disney movie…

The stony expressions that responded to that inquiry did not really lend itself to his continuing longevity. "Oh c'mon guys, it was a little fun… admit it…"

He pushed himself upright and brushed off the dust particles and singed hair from his clothes. Patting his baby brother Castiel on the head ont he way past and giving him a little turbo charge-up, angel-style by way of apology…

"You, Gofuckyourself… I'll do you first," he said, stalking towards Dean with an outstretched hand, which was unsurprisingly ducked. "Stand still you wily little mudmonkey, I'm just trying to heal ya!"

Ah yes, the expression he had named him for was glowering back.

"Dean, Dean, Dean… I'm just going to heal you up, come here and get a big hug-a-roonie from Uncle Gabriel… heck, if you're good I'll even give you a sweet treat."

"Don't come near me you freak, I was finally having a damn good sleep for the first time in weeks and all of a fucking sudden, I'm here dodging fireballs. Wat the hell makes you think I can trust you…?" Dean challenged, still backing away but not breaking eye contact for a second.

"Well, to put it simply, Dean my dear…" Gabriel said, advancing, then disappearing, "…you don't really have a choice. Nighty-night."  
The archangel had appeared behind him, blasted the hell out of him with white healing light and knocked the gruff hunter out…

Not wanting to be stingy, Gabriel was kind enough to put a beer-flavoured lollipop in the unconscious Winchester's hand before stepping over him.

"Bitchface, it's your turn!" Gabriel shouted magnanimously, gesturing widely like someone who has just espied a favourite relative they haven't seen in a while. Sam did everything in his power to hobble backwards and away from the Archangel, glaring daggers at him.

Hmph. These Winchesters are so melodramatic, not to mention ungrateful!

Sam backed away along the wall, until he ran into Castiel, who had apparently stood up and moved over to intercept the limping younger Winchester.

"Sam, you should allow my brother to assist you, he is quite good at healing, and he'll give you a lollipop!" Cas smiled, obviously still a little dented from the holy-fire cannon-ball he took right to the face. "Gabriel, I would also like a lollipop…"

"Here you go baby brother, enjoy!" Gabriel smiled as he handed a strawberry-flavoured one over, simultaneously snagging Sam's arm and triumphantly shouting, "Hah! Got you now, Sammy my boy!"

A flash of brilliant white light and Sam was down for the count too, whole, healed and out to it.

"Alrighty, time to get you all back to that dingy deathtrap of a hotel you three are staying in. Farewell…" with a snap of his fingers, they disappeared.

~)0(~

Sam jerked awake, and found himself face-down on the bed of the motel room they'd pulled into last night after a torrential rainstorm had forced them to abandon the search for a Wendigo that was travelling down the coastline.

"D-dean? You there?" he called, voice surprisingly hoarse.

A gurgling noise came in response, followed by the sound of a certain angel stating, "Yes, Dean is present and in one piece at current, Sam. I am also alive, well and recharged, but thank you for almost asking… sorry, I read your mind and discerned the next question."

He flapped a hand as if to say 'no biggie', but that seemed like too much effort when all the younger Winchester wanted was to fall asleep again.

"Sammy, you whole over there?" Dean called, bedsprings creaking as he apparently got up and shuffled around. "Oh wait, there you are, yep… had the most messed-up dream though, that giant bag of dicks Gabriel was involved…"

Sam bolted upright and flopped over, "Dean, that wasn't a dream. That was real."

"Wait… seriously? The Wipe!Out course from hell wasn't a precautionary testimonial to eating pepperoni pizza before bed?" Dean near-shouted, whirling about to stare at Sam and nearly falling over Castiel who had been sitting cross-legged on the floor right there.

"Yeah, apparently he decided that it looked like a bit of fun on tv, and decided to drag us along for the ride in a real-life version, fun huh?" Sam grumbled.

Dean smirked and jerked his head, "Hey, it could have been worse… I mean, imitating something on tv? We're just lucky he chose Wipe!Out given how much Casa Erotica that guy watches…"

Sam's eyes widened, "Dean, NO!"

~)0(~

All of a sudden, Dean and Sam found themselves in an eerily familiar room of red satin… cheesy music filtered through the air in a way that put them on edge.

"Hi boys… wanna play?"

Both Winchesters spun around to find Gabriel standing there with slicked back hair and a fake moustache glued on his upper lips…

In unison they cried out, "CAAAAAAAAAS!"

To which Gabriel sighed, "Well I know you to have the erotically co-dependant brother thing going on, but my own sibling? What a kink you two have! If you insist…"

As said Angel of the Lord appeared, Sam buried his face in his hands and sighed, "Why can't we have normal friends…?"

"Oh Sam," Gabriel smiled devilishly, "_you ain't never had a friend like me…_"

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**~)0(~**

**The End**

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I literally have no idea how this happened... an idea spiralled out of control late one night and... ta dah!


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